...make sure you really do know how to get gas at the gas station before taking the car out on empty.
...do not allow your 7 year old brother to wave his hand frantically out the window at passing police cars.
...MAKE SURE YOUR LIGHTS ARE OFF BEFORE LEAVING THE CAR!
...do not sing opera, as this will tend to make you gesture wildly, thus making you look certifiably insane and causing you to step hard on the gas when attempting to hit notes far above and beyond the range God intended you to have.
...watch out for random ladies who like to drive on the wrong side of the road for no apparent reason.
...expect to be sent on an errand of some kind at least once a day.
...do not listen to Charlotte Church if you are inclined to sing along, as this will cause you to attempt feats both your vocal chords and the car cannot handle (^ see "singing opera" above ^)
...do not expect to be graciously accepted into the left lane. It is a priviledge that you must either earn or demand...there are no polite requests involved.
...if you back out of the driveway via the grass and curb, your father may explain to you a new meaning of the term "lawn job"...and then proceed to make you feel utterly foolish for a good 15 minutes.
...if you drive the speed limit you will be passed by everyone, even truckers. Accept this now or learn to drive at least 15 above.
...when in downtown Dayton, keep in mind that questionable-looking personages have been known to meander aimlessly across the middle of the road for no apparent reason.
...drive-thru's are for experienced drivers...driving close enough to the window to reach your food is harder than it looks.
...driving in 4-6 inch heels is not advised but has been done.
...learn to become deaf to all shouting, screaming, fighting, scuffling, complaining, singing, and excessive laughing from the back seat...or otherwise expect to lose your mind.
and finally...
...pray every time you get in the car. Pray that God take mercy on your newly acquired skills, pray for the well-being of all those driving around you, and pray for no accidents...with the car............or in your pants.
8 comments:
I think I'll be re-thinking those errands....especially when they involve transporting children....
lolol!!!! Do not attempt to sing opera...I'll have to remember that!! :)
that was sooo funny! that made me laugh...:P thanks elie
That questionable personage was me! You almost killed me!!;)
Elena, you are not improving my image of women drivers at all. ;) lol
LOL!! Remember the spaghetti brain theory, Nathan? Women can't stay in a driving waffle square like you. ;) heehee
Lololololololol!!!! soooooo true. especially the dayton one, the people in dayton are stupid and annoying. And drive-thrus. I have problems with the atm ones all. the. time.
This is funny.
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