Blessings

Lately, I've been learning that so many things in life don't live up to your expectations of them. It's not always easy to be happy on average types of days where there isn't much going on but an overflowing laundry basket and an entire anatomy and physiology book waiting to be completed before August--The days where nothing tragic happens, but nothing especially exciting does either; when thoughts grow stale from being tossed around in your head for too long and you just can't seem to find a song to listen to that doesn't rub you the wrong way or make you depressed.

At the end of a day like this, I usually end up at the piano. Somehow, I can always manage to find a way to vent through music, and sometimes maybe even discover some new melody or set of verses that I couldn't find before. If I'm not in a completely uncooperative mood, I can usually allow myself to get caught up in the music and by 2am or so, my slow, monotonous day is forgotten and I'm not nearly as gloomy.

There are the days when even the piano doesn't help to remove the little cloud though, and then I pray. It's funny, how that's a last resort, isn't it? But I guess God probably gets a lot of last resort prayers, because they seem to be not uncommon things..in my life anyway.

Fortunately, today wasn't one of those days, and tonight I got to go to adoration, something I used to find long and rather unenjoyable until Steubenville retreats completely changed my idea of it. Thanks to them, I now am able to view it as what it truly is--complete closeness to God, the chance to be in His presence, uninterrupted and unfettered-- and enjoy every minute of it. Tonight, I prayed for a while, but I seem to have a problem listening to God when I pray...I do most of the talking, so I decided to read the Bible, thinking maybe the things God wanted to say would be put more clearly in front of my face there.

While I did not find the clear-cut message I was hoping for--something along the lines of, "You will build houses for starving orphans in the Congo and marry a tribal warrior you will fall in love with there." (ok, that's not exactly what I wanted to hear, but some straightforwardness would have been nice), I did find a chapter in Sirach that I really liked. It's labeled 'Joy and Miseries of Life' and had a lot of nice, proverbial-sounding advice on the important things in life. My favorite verse was 27...

"The fear of God is a paradise of blessings; it's canopy, all that is glorious" (Sirach 40:27)

When I first read it, I admired the wording for it's musicality--paradise and canopy are so visually descriptive...It wasn't until later that I began thinking more deeply about it's meaning, and how it applies to my life. The concept of blessings coming in fear is somewhat foreign to me. Probably, this isn't even what the verse meant; When it refers to 'fear of God' it most likely means respect and appreciation for Him as our Creator and Redeemer. But still, the usage of the word 'fear' sparked a something in my brain and reminded me of a song I've been hearing on the radio recently. It's called 'Blessings' and is by an artist I didn't know of until lately, named Laura Story.

'Cause what if your Blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know you're near

What if trials in this life
Are your mercies in disguise?'

In the chorus, she too suggests the idea of blessings through pain, of knowing the love of God only most fully through the completeness of life: the unhappy moments along with the joy.

Unfortunately, I don't have anything especially profound of my own to add to this, but it did strike me after reading this verse and listening to this song a few times tonight, that maybe even the little trials, the agonizingly slow days, the lack of clarity in my life----maybe all of it has a purpose. Maybe all of these things...are Blessings.

Extreme Weather

After one of the coldest and snowy-est winters I've ever known, and the wettest spring (seriously, was there a track meet not affected by rain in some way?), we're apparently on to one of the hottest summers. Unfortunately, in Ohio, due to the lovely humidity, this means that it's hot nearly 24/7, not just during the day: Perfect swimming weather for people who have regular access to a pool :-l, and for everyone else? Well...let's just say it's going to be a long summer.

....and for me?

....It's going to be a long summer.

Camp Death (arrival)

Well, I seem to have lost my mind and allowed my friend Laura (basketball best friend, and the person who harrassed me into doing track again) to convince me to spend my entire Spring Break in Louisville, Kentucky, intensely training for the upcoming track season.

We'll be spending the week at Laura's Aunt Pam's house, learning from her wealth of track/physical training experience (she went to state for sprints!).

So far, we're settled comfortably into the basement, my new laptop (yay!) is set up and working, and Laura is snoring on a nearby air mattress. I got the chaise lounge. :)

That's about all for now, because we're apparently getting up at 6:30 for our first workout. yippee........

And this is why we call it..

Camp Death

I've never been much of a gardener...

"I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." -Matthew 9:13

If I learned anything from AP Poetry last year, it was to recognize a metaphor when I saw one. Although we spent hours memorizing the definitions of countless literary devices, that particular one was pounded into our poor Advanced Placement heads until every other sentence we made turned into a comparison of some sort (most of which were not nearly profound enough to count as metaphors...but I attribute that to the poor eating and sleeping habits of DA students). Since then I may not have improved my eating or sleeping habits, but I do occasionally still attempt to make a metaphor. Whether they have become more profound is highly questionable, but that doesn't detract from the fun of trying to be creative. :)

Lately, I've been messing with the idea of finding a metaphor for the soul. It seems as though such an abstract concept should have some way of materializing in our limited brains, and, according to every poetry class I attended, the way to do that is by comparing it to a more tangible concept. Well, I've finally found one that I like: A garden. Imagine every soul as it's own private garden, beautifully unique to that person. Just like fingerprints and the way we see rainbows, no two gardens would be completely alike, and of course, just as God has so perfectly planned out our lives, each would be laid out in a specific way. And I'm going to go even further (ooh, Mrs. Mac would be proud..an extended metaphor!). While the various types of plants themselves reflect the personality of the person, the state of the plants reflects the state of the person's soul. With the added weight of each sin, the leaves and flowers droop more and more, eventually wilting altogether. When overcome with sin, our gardens become veritable wastelands--the remnants of our beautiful plants now turned to brittle twigs, mere skeletons of their former glory. But it doesn't end there, otherwise nobody would have much of a garden left at all. This is where repentance and forgiveness enter in.

For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.-Psalm 86:5

How wonderful that we are not left alone to destroy these gardens, but God provides a gardener-- a sort of clean up crew-- in the form of Confession, to clear away the dead parts of our soul and coax it into growth again. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says,

"Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

Become new. That phrase means that we are given the grace to renew our souls each time we confess our sins and beg for forgiveness. It means that God has promised to not only forgive our sins--not only to clear away the wilted flowers-- but also to make us new. The most powerful part of the Passion movie for me (aka, the scene/line that made me cry the most) was when Jesus falls (I forget which time) and His mother goes running towards him. He slowly lifts his head, and in the midst of all his pain and exhaustion says, "Behold, I make all things new." Woah. That part really hit me hard..made me realize exactly what His Passion was all about. Of course, I always knew what it was about, but that one line, spoken quietly to Mary in the middle of a jeering mob of soldiers really drove it home.

So, back to the garden, because I'm not quite ready to let this metaphor thing go yet. ;) If you really want to extend it (and I really do, because I'd like to see how far I can take this), think about what happens to the dead remains of our garden. Well, I've never been much of a gardener, but having killed many potted plants in my life, I do know where dead flowers go: the compost (At least in our family they do, because we are just that cool that we have a compost.). And in the compost, they decay and become very nutrient-filled fertilizer, which we then spread on our garden to feed the plants and help them grow. Even in our little metaphorical garden the dead flowers have a purpose. God often uses these sins of ours that seemingly destroy to bring about new life. Like when people say we'll learn from our mistakes. Obviously we don't want to make the mistakes to start with, but once it's been done, we, at the very least, learn the negative consequences, often we even benefit from the bad experiences because they help us with choices later on. And this is all because God keeps His promise of renewing our soul in Confession.

Not that I like confession any more than I like gardening. Pulling up ugly memories of unkind words, jealous feelings, and all the sins I've committed since the last time: namely, dead plants, is a dirty, smelly business (metaphorically speaking, that is..unless I forgot to put on deodorant that day ;). But when it's over and they're swept neatly away into the compost, I can feel the new seeds planted and they promise to bring on a garden even more beautiful than before. And, taking everything into account, it seems as though, while we may have been cast out of the Garden of Eden, we have never really become too far removed from that garden. We carry a little piece of it inside us, and when we finally manage to get our own little plots in order, we'll be allowed back in to the real Garden.

There, I believe I've exhausted my ramblings on gardens, both heavenly and earthly, metaphorically and physically. :) Coincidentally, I also have a song to add that really just fits with the theme of the post. It's a kind of dorky video...the lyrics sort of spasmodically jump in and out of the screen at parts, but the song itself is beautiful. It's by Christian artist, Matt Maher.

Oh, and look, someone else was on the same track with the whole garden theme. :D

"Truly charity has no limit; for the love of God has been poured into our hearts
by His Spirit dwelling in each one of us, calling us to a life of devotion and inviting us to bloom in the garden where He has planted and directing us to radiate the beauty and spread the fragrance of His Providence."- St. Francis de Sales (1567-1622)

Christmassy goings on

Celebrating with family: Aunt Kiki's on Christmas, Aunt Missy's this week :)
Having fun with my aunts and uncles and learning to play Euchre
Reading because I'm on break: The Zion Chronicles and Mansfield Park (Good books!)
Industriously working on a senior project that involves lots of writing and music
Singing with a few of my favorite artists: Relient K, Tenth Avenue North, Michael Buble, JJ Heller
Trying to remember the reason for the season and appreciate the many good things in my life
Memories with Rosa: watching the Tourist, Tim Hortons, and boys with large Adam's apples ;)
Acceptance letter to Steubenville and scholarship ;) yay!
Salvation and Joy: two Christmas words that should be pondered

Halloween!

Yeah, that's right, we are a pretty fantastic group of halloween costumes. Aunt Kiki is responsible for all of them except mine. :) They were amazing!

A little short, but very cute ;)


lil wayne and his friend never had such a gangsta look ;)


my buddies :)

And it's too bad I don't have pictures from the other two nights I dressed up. (yeah, i milked this last halloween for all it was worth ;) I was audrey hepburn for a school festival and maya, valya, and I were the three muskateers in Tipp City. Both costumes were pretty legit...

...well except for ppl kept thinking the muskateers were like pirates or something. O.O

Dayton's finest artistic talent ;)